Mating Calls
by jamie the marauder
Summary: Just a random bit of Sirius and James talking and strange noises...


Disclaimer: i do not own harry potter. at all.

bold: james' thoughts

bold italics: sirius' thoughts

this is what happens when i'm on a sugar high. )

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It was a dark and stormy night… well not exactly, it was dark I have to admit that, it was 11 o'clock at night so why would it not be dark? Anyways it was a dark and _boring _night. James Potter and his best mate Sirius Black were lounging around the Potter mansion at this time, why they weren't in bed is a mystery because both of them were extremely tired and extremely bored. Actually it isn't a mystery; they were up because dear sweet Lily, James' wife, was angry. And James wasn't going to sleep until he found out why.

Bleep…..bleep………bleep, silence.

Bleep……bleep…..bleep.

"What's that noise?" asked James.

"What noise?" asked Padfoot also known as Sirius

Silence.

"Never mind"

Bleep……….bleep……..bleep………bleep

"_Padfoot?_" James said menacingly.

"Yes Jamsie?"

"Stop with the noise, I'm trying to figure why Lils is mad at me."

"_What _noise are you talking about? I swear I don't hear anything."

"Whatever, bloody noises." James said under his breath.

Bleep………bleep………bleep

James looks over at Sirius and sees him staring off into the fire. **Maybe I'm going crazy, that's why I'm hearing things, Siri obviously doesn't hear anything.**

Bleep……bleep…….bleep

**God that noise is annoying! Where is it coming from?** James looks around the room and sees nothing that could be making that noise.

**Humph, maybe it is just my imagination…..**

Bleep……..bleep……….bleep……..bleep………..bleeppp

"All right Sirius enough with the noise!"

"I'm not making _any_ noise….and if I was I'd be a god damn sexy noise."

**God he can be so annoying sometimes**…….bleep….**just like that damn noise. I'm never gonna figure out why Lily is mad at me with this noise. Damn it, that means that I'll have to sleep down here….with that noise….. oh god, **_**why?**_

Bleep...……bleep………….bleep……..bleep…………..ble-- BLEEEEEEEHHHHHH!!

"PADFOOT! That noise was you all along?"

"_What noise?" _Sirius asked not aware that his friend was getting pissed.

"The bleeps and then the bleeh"

"Oh you mean my mating call??"

"….. Your mating call?" James asked shocked

"Well yeah, it's dead boring here and I thought I'd give it a shot. I mean seeing you and Lils together with your little Prongslet, I was thinking about settling down myself and—"

"So you decided to use your mating call hoping that some chick would pop up in front of you and say 'Take me away Sirius! I'm all yours!'?!"

"Maybe…"

"Do you know how annoying that noise is Padfoot? You almost drove me insane." James whisper yelled at his annoying friend.

"IT'S NOT ANNOYING! IT'S LOVELY!" Sirius yelled in attempt to save his mating call "AND BESIDES ITS NOT LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ONE EITHER!"

"Padfoot," James started calmly in attempt to calm his friend down and stop him from yelling, or else he'd be in more trouble with his wife, "I don't have a mating call."

"Yes you do…. I heard it the last night I came over here. And I figured that since you got Lily with the call I could make up my own call and get a lovely girl like Lily."

James looks at his friend, "Mate I can assure you that I don't have a mating call."

"Then what was with you the other night, you were calling out and then you got Lily." Sirius tried to hold back a smile from his friend as he said this.

"Mate I don't—"

"You wanna hear it??" Sirius smirked

"Yeah go ahead" said James sitting on the couch.

"Okay. OH GODS! OH GODS! FUCK! OH GODS! GOD… LILY!!"

James stared at his friend in shock. **Holy hell how did he hear us? If he heard us that means that Harry heard us….poor kid.** He wasn't sure what to say to that, the only thing to say was, "Mate that wasn't my mating call…it was…er….."

"……Hahahahaha! Oh dear sweet Merlin! The look on your face, when I said that… priceless… ha ha" laughed Sirius.

James smirked a bit, "Yeah ha ha I guess, but you do know that that wasn't my mating call."

"Yes, yes I know, I know quite well what you were doing…."

"Hum do you think that the baby heard us?"

Sirius smiled, and then looked sad, "Yeah I'm pretty sure that he did, I mean I heard you two all the way from the front door and he's right down the hall."

"Poor kid"

"BLEEEHHH"

"Sirius I already told you—"

POP!

"…." _**It does work!! **_thought Sirius

"…."** Maybe it does work…**

"Hullo guys. How it been? Sorry I'm here so late James, I was going to ask you something….why are you two looking at me so strangely?" asked Remus Lupin, also known as Moony, while looking at his two best mates wondering why they were looking at him so weirdly.

"Erm… hi Moony…." Said Sirius

"……" **Bloody hell? It actually works there are actually calls? Every man should know about this. If you could just yell something bizarre and you lover-- oh god Sirius loves Moony?! What the hell?! I thought he was straight? But surely if he uses his call and Remus appears….then that has to mean…. No, no, no, MEN DO NOT HAVE MATING CALLS! Well if Sirius uses this call and Remus appears then he could consider himself as a woman… NO I WILL NOT THINK OF THAT! He's not gay, he's not gay, he's not gay. Is Sirius gay? **This was all thought rather fast because only ten seconds went by before Remus started his question on asking James if everything was all right. Meanwhile Sirius was thinking along the lines that James was thinking of just moments before.

_**The mating call thingy really works! WOOT WOOT! GO ME! I will tell no one of this, well maybe I'll tell Remmy that way he can find his lover, god only knows how long it would take him to find her…or him. OH GOD NO!! I did the call and Moony, and Moony, and Moony….NO! I'm not gay and I refuse to believe that…but if Remus came that can only mean…**_

"Sirius! Mate, are you there?" James asked concerned

"Huh? What oh yeah… I'm here" Sirius said with a shudder, still thinking _**I'm not gay, I'm not gay…. What if people find out and they take away my sexiness?? **_"NO NOT MY SEXINESS!"

"Back off slowly Moony, very slowly" James said worried

"…. You guys what's going on?" asked Remus in a concerned voice

"um….Sirius….uh…."

"NOTHING! Nothing is going on! What would give you that idea? There is _nothing_ wrong Moony….. Nothing at all." Said Sirius hurriedly.

"Well, if there's nothing wrong then…. Did I interrupt something between you guys? Should I leave, because I can leave, if you want to be, um, _alone_." Remus said

"Why would we want to be alone? There's nothing going on between _us_ that you need to worry about, certainly not. Eww Moony, are you trying to say that me and James are _gay_ and having an affair? Because were defiantly not. How could you ever think that?? Moony that's just not right." Sirius was saying in a rush.

"Yeah Remy, how could you think that I'd have an affair with Lily?" James was said in a hurt tone.

"You guys I never—" Remus started.

"_What?_ What did you say James Potter?" Lily interrupted Remus

"I—I didn't say anything, Love. Did I?" James asked his wife while trying to remember what he had said just moments previously. Meanwhile Sirius was still trying to figure if it was really possible that he could be gay. _**I can't be, I can't be I've NEVER fancied a bloke. It's ALWAYS been, girls, girls, girls…**_

"James Potter you are already in enough trouble with me already as it is and just as I walked in here I specifically heard you say '_an affair with Lily'_" Lily said menacingly.

"Lily darling, I didn't say that. I said 'How could you think I'd have an affair with Lily' see love, I didn't say that I'm having an affair with you, I said that I didn't." said James starting to get confused by his apology.

"And why would you have to tell Remus that you're not having an affair? What makes him think that you would be?" Lily asked.

"Um...well you see it's a pretty long story. And Remus by the way dear thinks that I'm having an affair with Sirius. Which isn't true because first of all I'd never cheat on you and second _I'm_ not gay."

"I'm not gay either!" Sirius added

"Well mate…um are you sure?" James asked Sirius knowing that he was going to get a series of protests that he's not gay, and then minutes after that Remus and Lily would ask for the whole story.

"Yes I'm sure! How could I be? I mean I'm Sirius Black! The hottie, the chick magnet, the sexiest marauder!! I CAN'T BE GAY! I just can't be, it's not possible, and well it is possible for people to be gay but not ME. Do you understand? I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay!" Sirius yelled

"Okay mate we get it, its just weird that it happened is all." James tried to reassure his friend.

"What was weird and what exactly happened for you to think that Padfoot is gay?" Remus asked really wanting to know the answer.

"Well you see, um…Sirius here thought that blokes have mating calls so he tried it and um… at first it didn't work and the he did it again and you showed up. Which is strange cause if he did the call then obviously either you or Sirius is gay."

"And I'm not, we just went over this _I_ can't be, so that leaves Moony. Moony are you gay?" Sirius asked his question calmly.

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End file.
